You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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