Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
