Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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