i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
