Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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