mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
