Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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