I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
