i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize
