I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
