Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
