sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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