I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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