I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
