Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
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she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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