You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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