Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
