better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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