I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
