it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize