And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Randomize
