Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
