i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I intend to get homeless drunk
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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