if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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