He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
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After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
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One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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