saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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