So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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