apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
