I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
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