So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
