If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
