I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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