I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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