I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
