is your mom at the bar?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
