The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
hotel room ftw
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
