I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
