I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
