I am spending my child support on dildos
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
