So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize