This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
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