Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
They are going to name an STD after you.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
