Those balls look pretty dangerous.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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