I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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