People in love make me want to vomit
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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