youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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