good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize