I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
and you fell through a lawn chair
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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