Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
