Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
