a queef is a wish your heart makes.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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