im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
