No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
