i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
my sisters under your porch take her home
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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