I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
