i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
