For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
