Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
