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No awkward lesbian experiences without me
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You dont lie about slip and slides
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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