I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Randomize
