I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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