I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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