so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
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